Talking about your illness with your boyfriend or girlfriend (partner) can be hard. You might try to hide your feelings from them, especially if you’re scared. You might not know how to describe how you feel and worry about how they’re feeling. You might be worried about upsetting them or being upset yourself. But it’s important that your partner can show their feelings. And it’s OK for you to show yours. Don’t feel that you always have to be strong.
mixed up feelings
Your partner will have a mixture of feelings too. They might be scared that you won’t get better. You might be worried that they won’t stick around while you’re ill. This could make you both feel insecure. Try to be honest with each other. This can make you feel closer than before.
feeling helpless
Your partner might feel helpless, not knowing how to support you. Let them know that you don’t expect them to have all the answers. Just having them listen to you can help. It will also help them understand some of what you’re going through. If it’s hard to find the right words, sometimes just being together or having a hug will comfort both of you.
the hard times
There might be times when you don’t get on. Illness can put strain on relationships. Sometimes you need some time away from each other to think things through. It can help to explain to your partner that you’re finding things tough at the moment. They might be feeling the same way. Spending some time apart will give you both a chance to think through your feelings.
go with what feels right for you both
The changes that cancer and its treatments can make to you can be hard to deal with. It might take you some time to adjust to the changes in your appearance. You might be worried about how your partner will feel towards you. Talking about these worries can make you both feel more secure.
There’s no right or wrong thing to do. Just go with whatever feels right for both of you.
fertility and cancer
Cancer or the treatments can affect your ability to have children (fertility). For some young people, this changes their dreams and plans for the future. For others, it is less important. You can read more about sex and fertility in our deal with it section.
starting new relationships
It’s normal to feel nervous about starting new relationships. Deciding on the right time to tell new friends or partners about your cancer experience can be hard. Some people think it’s best to be upfront and honest. Others prefer to wait until the friendship has developed.
If you have obvious scars or a disability from the cancer or treatments, you might not have a choice when to tell others.
You’re the only one who can decide what feels right for you.
