Im a Survivor!!

Sorry, it's been a while!

I haven't been on here for AGES! I'm at uni now, so I haven't had the time to just go online for social or personal reasons. That, and my health's been going downhill. Just a bit, not a lot, but enough to make me worried. I might have a mild autoimmune disorder - which makes sense, because my body was always having to fight an invisible monster when I was a kid, so it's fight's itself now that there's nothing else to fight. The only other noticeable problems are weight-loss and times when I'm unresponsive. No biggies, but with a history of disease, I'm being seen as URGENT by the hospital next week.

Do you ever feel like there's something wrong with you, that you could be getting sick again, but don't say anything unless questioned in case they label you as a hyperchondriac or something?

Whatever's happening, please just don'tlet it all be in my head. Or,ifit is, don't let it be because I want all the attention on me. I don't. Inmy world, attention = sick, and that's the last thing I want to goback to.

That's all I ask. Is it okay to ask/think/hope like that? Is it even believable that someone would hope deteriorating health was really that, and not just in their head or mistaken as make-believe by others?

Sorry, I make no sense, not even to myself :( 

Left by IlamEvie

N-MYB Positive

Thanks, Domi! 

I'm a bit messed up inside at the moment (but typically not letting it show, thereby making things worse!) because with the childhood cancer I have it's been found that there are certain genes that - when present - immediately escalate a child to being a high-risk patient. It appears I am N-MYB positive, but the other genes are absent. The doctors won't say what I am being reclassified as, I know it shouldn't matter but it does at the moment, and I can't get my head around how I should feel about having the gene but still have been NED for so many years!!! I can't even get my head around how I should feel when I find out if another child here has any of the genes!

I just never felt I was that sick, but they are now telling me that I'm in (or was in? The doctors who interact with my family and I keep changing what they say!) the group of people who have less than a 10% chance to survive longer than 5 years. It doesn't feel real. Not real at all.

Left by IlamEvie

Thanks, Domi! 

I'm a bit messed up inside at the moment (but typically not letting it show, thereby making things worse!) because with the childhood cancer I have it's been found that there are certain genes that - when present - immediately escalate a child to being a high-risk patient. It appears I am N-MYB positive, but the other genes are absent. The doctors won't say what I am being reclassified as, I know it shouldn't matter but it does at the moment, and I can't get my head around how I should feel about having had the gene but still have been NED for so many years!!! I can't even get my head around how I should feel when I find out if another child here has any of the genes!

I just never felt I was that sick, but they are now telling me that I'm in (or was in? The doctors who interact with my family and I keep changing what they say!) the group of people who have less than a 10% chance to survive longer than 5 years. It doesn't feel real. Not real at all.

Left by IlamEvie